Ok friends. I’m about to get real here. For the most part, I try to keep this blog a happy place, but occasionally I just have to get something off my chest. So if you don’t mind, I’d love to write this question on the virtual wall in big black letters…
When did it become trendy to mock your own children?
You know what I’m talking about.
Somehow, it’s become the most awesome thing EVER to snap a photo of your crying child, write a snarky comment about why he/she is upset, and post it on all your social media channels so that all of your friends can see what a hip happenin’ HILARIOUS parent you are.
Well bravo to you. You just made fun of your three-year-old to a whole army of people you’ll never meet, and they’re all giving you high fives and handshakes.
Let’s just say I won’t be joining in your crowd of admirers.
Now, PLEASE don’t get me wrong. I am no parenting expert, and I’ve never claimed to be. Most days I just muddle along at mediocre, and some days I never get above poor. There are days when I lack the patience it requires to effectively parent twin toddlers, and their tantrums and unpredictable behavior are enough to make me fantasize about walking out the front door…and ending up on a sandy beach. Alone.
It’s about respect.
But what I DO know, is that I want to raise my kids in a culture of respect. Your children are people with tender hearts and minds and souls. Yes, they are selfish. Yes, the world often seems to revolve around their whims. But that’s where they are at developmentally- their behavior isn’t intended as an affront to you. They are trying to make sense of their worlds and they have control over very little in their lives. So yes, it may seem ridiculous to you that your child is wailing face down on the floor because his plate is the wrong color. Or her cookie broke in two. Or he’s decided he doesn’t want to wear the shirt he picked out five minutes ago and MUST have a new one RIGHT NOW (all true stories from this week at my house). But in your child’s world, it’s a BIG dang deal.
It’s about doing the WORK.
So please, if this happens, I hope your first instinct is not to pick up your phone and snap a photo so you can have something to snicker about with your friends later and look like the cool kid at the party. Your child is struggling. You want him to respect you down the road? Start treating him with respect NOW. Put down your camera, count to 10 (or 100, whatever you need), and HELP him. TEACH him. SHOW him. Or just BE with him. You aren’t required to give in to every request- this isn’t about placating him or babying him. It’s about doing the WORK- the hard work you signed up for when you became a parent. I know that I often lack the patience to deal with meltdowns with grace, but I refuse to stop trying. And I will not shame them in front of the world when they are struggling.
Edited to add: I received a ton of comments across various social media on this post! Here is my response to a few of them…“Who, Me, Judgmental?”
Have not would not
Right on Jan!
I can’t bring myself to take a picture of my daughter when she’s crying or when she’s making her (rather adorable!) angry face because it does feel like I’m mocking or disrespecting her feelings. If we want kids to show respect, she have to treat them with respect. Right on, Stephanie!
Absolutely, Emma. Thank you for your support!
This is why you are such a great blogger Stephanie, you are not afraid to stand up for what you believe. Bravo and thank you for reminding us about what is important!
Thanks Ana! I admit I’m bracing for the blowback from this one, although so far people have been pretty supportive 😉 Thanks so much for your comment!
I have been subscribing to your blog for a while, but I never comment. I decided to make this my first comment since I know it must have taken a lot for you to create and share this post. It sickens me when people treat their children like novelties, or some other fun object. It’s almost like kids are not people to them. Sometimes pointing these things out can help others see their own bad behavior, so great job for sharing.
YES YES YES Rebecca! Children are not toys for your own personal amusement. You totally called it. So glad you decided to comment today!
I agree with you 100%. I’m home with my 7-month old twin girls. I don’t understand people who have the TIME to not only take the pictures while the child is upset like that, but to then get to their computer to add the text and then post it online (before the kiddos I was in graphic design, and I still don’t have the desire/will to run to open Photoshop and do that!).
RIGHT??? I SO agree! It’s hard enough to snap photos of them while they are happy, LOL!
You are wonderful. This is a wonderful post, and I agree a million times over with you. It makes me feel sad to think about posting a pic of my hurting child just to make myself feel better. Ick.
Thanks Jeanette! You are my partner in snark, so I know you understand the difference between being funny and being disrespectful of those who can’t defend themselves. There’s plenty of sarcasm to spread in the world without hurting those you are supposed to care for above all others!
I have some pictures of my kids crying but I can’t think of any that were taken because they were crying or having a fit. Rather I was trying to get a picture and then they started crying and it was captured. More importantly I don’t think I have ever used them to shame or make fun of my kids. I wish more adults would respect children the way they respect other adults.
It hurts my heart when I hear things like ” Stop crying or I will give you something to cry about.” ” Don’t be a girl.” etc… all of this is the same thing in a different package. Now dog shaming that IS funny!
Right?? I have a few candids of my kids crying too, but they were purely incidental and not taken with the intention of shaming or mocking. Big difference! And I totally agree on the heart hurting. And dog shaming…not too concerned about it, LOL. Your dog isn’t going to grow up and find their photo plastered all over the internet with mocking comments superimposed on it, hah! Thanks for your comment, Allie!
Wonderful post Stephanie - someone’s gotta stick up for the little ones!! It makes my stomach curl when I see someone doing this and the “my kid is scared right now” IG shaming too - it’s bullying - we need to LEAD BY EXAMPLE - respect them & they will respect you!! xx
YES!! It is bullying, Melissa, even if parents don’t want to admit it. I know that all parents who have done this aren’t evil- maybe they just haven’t thought about it from the child’s perspective. Hopefully some of them will think about it differently after reading this post.
Love this.
Thanks Megan!!
I’ve never done this to my children, but have seen the pins and posts and as a SAHM of 3, I find them humorous. I can relate to them. I know I’m not the only mom who has a kid that cries because she wants the pink spoon, not the orange one. Its finding the humor in a situation that will easily make you lose your sanity.
Hmm. I have twin three-year-olds so I can definitely relate as well- some days my entire day seems to consist of irrational tantrums. But that doesn’t make it right, and I definitely wouldn’t stop and take a photo of my crying child to make a point. There are other ways to let off steam.
While I myself have never taken a photo of my daughter as she has a melt down I can totally sympathize with the parents that do. A parent that does this is not necessarily unaware that a melt down is completely acceptable for their child and stage of development (though some certainly are)… But what I usually see from my friends on Facebook are parents trying to see the humor in what feels like an intense and stressful moment, a parent pausing to bring themselves back to reality to realize for themself that this temper tantrum is not a big deal but a small moment that will pass, a parent not disrespecting their child so much as hoping for others to say, “we’ve been there, it’s hard and the time will pass,” and “poor baby, poor momma…” A parent that knows their child will not be online for years to see the photo but that when they are old enough to be allowed online they will also be old enough to understand and see the humor in their toddler day tantrums… I agree that the child throwing the tantrum needs love nd respect. I disagree that parents that post photos of tantrums online are not giving their children love and respect. Because some certainly are! And parents need love and respect too.
Thanks for your respectful comment and opinion, Kayleigh! I agree that parents need love and respect too…but they are able to defend themselves and a toddler certainly isn’t. My problem with cutting parents slack because they may not realize what they are doing is this…this trend of making fun of little ones to “blow off steam” or “deal with the problem” really sets up a culture of “us vs. them” instead of working together with them to help them manage their feelings. And sharing on social media makes other people think it’s ok, perpetuating the harmful attitude. We’ll have to agree to disagree on this one, but again, thanks for chiming in- I love a good discussion!
I completely agree with you there! Temper tantrums should not be viewed as something a child does to their parents… I know when my little girl has one it hurts me not in the sense that I feel hurt by her.. But that it hurts to see her hurt! And I do agree that thinking otherwise is harmful. “My child is not giving me a hard time, my child is having a hard time,” is definitely a paradigm shift I would also like to see in our culture! And I completely agree and support sticking up for the defenseless child… Generalizing the motive of the parent is the only disagreement I have.
I completely agree with your post. I am hanging my head in some shame however. I have taken pictures of my children during a cry or a fit. Not to shame them, not to mock them. Although I guess that is what I am doing.
My latest baby snow post has a picture of Super B crying from the snow. I did not try to make her cry, she was happy one minute and then crying in the next picture. I immediately stopped what I was doing, changed the scenario for her, and then we continued our exploration. I added the picture to my post as a way to show that just because she was not happy at first, didn’t mean I couldn’t find a way for her to explore in her way.
Thank you for making me think twice about the pictures I post. Thank you for a great post!
Hi Dayna! Absolutely no reason to hang your head 😉 What you described is in no way what I was objecting to…as a snap-happy Mama (which most of us bloggers are), you are bound to capture some crying photos with little ones! I know I have- it’s what you do with those photos that counts. Really, what I object to is the mocking and intentional shaming that I see all over the place. I’d give you a specific example of a site but I don’t want to give them any additional pvs/Google juice…I’ll just say do a search for “reasons my kid is crying” and you’ll see what I mean. Or check out the hashtag on IG. SO not funny in my opinion. Thanks for your comment…I definitely appreciate it!
Thank you for having the bravery to write what so many of us with backgrounds in early childhood are thinking!
I’m so glad you agree! Thank you for commenting!
Very well written, Stephanie! Agree 100%.
Thanks Anna! I appreciate your support!
I think this is a great post, you have some very good points. However, in a time where parents post pictures of their “perfect” kids, always happy, always well behaved, it’s nice to see a dose of reality. We are the first generation to raise kids and blog about it. I think painting a perfect picture can be as detrimental as posting pictures of your kid crying. There is always a fine line!
Hi Lindsay! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. I totally agree that presenting a “picture perfect” ideal to the world can be detrimental, and it’s actually another one of my pet peeves 😉 That’s why I do write about the struggles that I encounter as a parent and what everyday life is really like at our house…read this post for a (rather disgusting) example.
http://www.two-daloo.com/just-another-morning-in-paradise/
What I object to is the mocking and shaming- that is DEFINITELY not necessary in order to convey that parenting is not perfect. It’s a fine line indeed!
I agree. Someone posted a picture from that popular blog on my fan page, and I had to delete it. When I think about the mother stopping each time to get out her phone and take a picture before comforting her child, it make me feel kind of sick. I think it appeals to people who don’t have children- “see how funny these creatures can be?” -but it’s only funny when see from an entirely adult point of view.
Absolutely Virginia! That’s the part that gets me every time. Thanks so much for your comment!
I agree with you and many of the comments. There is just too much negativity around and mocking your own child is just wrong. I work with children and find what they are needing these days is for acknowledgement of how they feel and many times just someone to listen to them. After reading Happiest Toddler on the Block and Happiest Baby on the Block, I tried one simple thing - acknowledge how the child feels and be sympathetic. A child was crying because they didn’t want to leave and the parent was getting frustrated. I bent down and simply said “I see you are sad because you have to leave (or whatever the likely reason is).” The child shook his head yes. I acknowledged that it is hard to stop doing things that are fun. The child stopped crying and I asked if he would like to come back. He said yes and left quietly with his parent. I have done this numerous times since and it works every time. Even older kids appreciate acknowledgement of how they must be feeling, and it can lead to good conversation.
Thanks for starting this conversation.
Thanks for your comment, Jean! I’m so glad you enjoyed the article. Keep on spreading positivity!
Well said! Some people don’t seem to realize that kids are PEOPLE too, and deserve respect.
YES! 1,000 times yes.
This is so well said! It is all about respect and nurturing those little beings.
Thanks Susie! I totally agree!
yes! I completely agree with this. Your children seem to be having irrational tantrums but there is usually an underlying cause. They are tired, hungry, bored or frustrated and they are just learning to express their emotions. You should be understanding and help them learn how to do it.
It’s one thing to tell your husband or friend about it, when your kids aren’t there mind you, and find the humour in the situation. It’s another to mock your children on the internet for the whole world to join in. I don’t find them funny at all.
Therein lies the difference. Public mocking is what I object to, not venting behind closed doors. Parents are allowed to be frustrated, but it’s how you choose to deal with that feeling that counts.
A good way to think about it is “how would i feel if my child saw that post in the future?” or “How would I feel if i was in that situation and was that upset and someone posted a picture online… and then joked about it.”
At the moment my 20 month old is starting to throw himself on the floor in protest. I find it pretty funny and find it difficult not to laugh in the moment, cause its such a ineffectual protest, but sharing that online would be mean, and i would not like it if that happened to me.
Yes Naomi, I totally agree! No one ever said it was wrong to find humor in the moment, but mocking your child is never ok.
Hi Stephanie,
Liked your sentiments. However, referring to your toddlers’ ‘bipolar’ behaviour, to me, showed a lack of respect for people who suffer from this horrendous condition (my partner has bipolar disorder). I’m only picking up on this in case using bipolar in this way becomes something which becomes a shallow term to describe things and one of these terms which, in ten years time, people rightly baulk at. I’m sure we all know the terms we used as youngsters which are rightly unacceptable in these more enlightened times. Enjoyed the overall post though!
Oh Claire, I’m sorry to offend. I replaced the word bipolar with something else in my post. Unfortunately I have more of an understanding of the condition than I’d care to disclose at this time, so I get it. Thanks for your comment and I’m glad you enjoyed the overall sentiment of the article.
No problem at all and really enjoyed your thoughts.
Interesting to see the different opinions on this topic. My son is still very small and I can’t imagine having the time to get my camera and photograph that perfect meltdown moment…. But I’ve seen the blog RMKIC and I think it’s hilarious! Sometimes, in these very stressful moments, it’s important to step back from the edge of insanity and have a laugh at ourselves. This is also a healthy lesson for kids. Nobody is laughing at the child, rather the situation itself. Diffusing a stressful situation with laughter is perfectly healthy and helps show the child that NO, it’s NOT the end of the world. Overreacting to every tantrum… I understand it may come from a place of love and wanting to validate their feelings and the desire to show how much you care as a parent, but the reality is the world doesn’t revolve around the child. And it never will. Setting them up to think that by overreacting to every hint of a frown, every time they get a little upset, is a recipe for a very self centered adult in the future who will have a rude awakening in the real world. Of course we should show them that their feelings matter and that they should express those feelings out loud, but we as parents have feelings too, bad days and good days, and our own limits. It’s only human. I totally respect the opinion that posting these photos may not be nice, or perhaps respectful, but I also think we should stop judging other parents for (in my opinion) seemingly petty things like this and instead focus on supporting one another. What works for you might not work for me and that’s totally ok. I get angry when I see parents feeding their kids McDonalds, but it’s not my place to judge their parenting skills based on appearances. With respect, L
Hi Lauren! Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Like I said above, I have no objection to using humor to diffuse a stressful situation. I do it quite often in my own home- otherwise I might be running for the hills instead! What I do object to is intentionally taking advantage of a child in a vulnerable moment because it will get laughs/garner sympathy/accumulate page views (for bloggers). If you want to teach a “healthy lesson” to a child about their behavior, I’m not sure how taking a photo of them and plastering it all over the internet is supposed to accomplish that goal. You mentioned raising children to be self-centered adults…in my opinion you teach empathy by example, and the best way to do that is to show kindness. The quickest way to raise a child to be a self-centered adult is to act like one yourself 😉
Lastly, I’m sorry you find this to be a “petty” issue…I can’t say that I agree. Bad behavior is bad behavior, and my purpose for this post was not to judge (I never implied that these parents do not love their children), but hopefully to bring attention to the fact that while these photos may be funny, there are better ways to deal with your child’s behavior than mocking them. I’ll risk being labeled judgmental if it means I can stick up for innocents who can’t defend themselves.
Again, thanks for your comment- I do welcome a respectful discussion!
If I was having a lousy day and then something silly was the last straw and made me break and cry and my husband or friend took a picture of that and shared it online with a caption minimizing my feelings it would most certainly be laughing at me, not the situation. It is minimizing the child’s feelings by saying the cause of them is worthy of laughter. Laughter is a great tool, but this to me is laughing at not with and I never want to model for my child that that is ok.
Thanks for your support The Energizer Mommy 😉
I agree that you shouldn’t mock your children. I just respectfully disagree that the trend you’re referring to is mocking. I don’t think anyone is making fun of these kids or that anyone thinks the kids are stupid. To me, it’s more of a “I’ve been there…” kind of thing. We all know that sometimes kids cry for no reason. They’ll throw a tantrum over nothing. We all still love our kids but finding some humor in them, I don’t personally think is a bad thing.
Thanks
Mike
I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree on that, Mike. Thanks for your comment!
NO… TELL ME I’M RIGHT!!!!… lol
I adore this! Honestly, I believe the most important aspect of parenting a young child is nurturing a trusting and respectful relationship. If my child laughed at another child who was crying, I would not be happy; why do it to her? I also believe many parents have the mentality that validation from strangers that you are a tough, no nonsense kind of parent is important, and that is a very slippery slope. As someone who suffers from concerning myself with outsider opinions much too often, I am able to acknowledge and know logically that having approval from a stranger is nowhere near as satisfying as having a mutually respectful or healthy relationship. Thanks for the great read.
Olivia
I totally agree and am that type of worrier about what others think, too. When I’m parenting gently I feel like there are always eyes on me judging me for not “toughening up”. Then I see how amazing my daughter is and our relationship is and remember I don’t care
So eloquently stated, Olivia! Especially the part about validation from strangers on being “tough”…that’s something that really bothers me. Why is it seen as a positive quality to be a dictator in your own home?
YES! A thousand times yes! I get that toddlers are frustrating. I get that their melt downs can seem ridiculous. I get that laughing about it later can help you face the next one for some people. But later. Not interrupting the moment to take a picture. And in private with a spouse or trusted friend, not the always public world of the internet. Our kids don’t yet have all our tools for dealing with big feelings and putting things in perspective. Rather than mock them for that I choose to try to give them those tools and show them the respect every person deserves.
Thanks for this post, Stephanie. As the director of an early childhood center it is amazing what some parents say about their child in a conversation while the child is standing right there! It is not only a social media issue. Yes, children can push us to the very edge of sanity and laughter is the only thing that can save us but it is to be private, never in front of the child or others. Caring for children through their stages of development takes us, as adults, through our own growth stage. This is when we can really mature, come out of our own self-focus and care more for someone else than we care for ourselves. If you are using a child for your own entertainment or to get applause from others, you might want to review your own level of maturity.
YES to everything you just said, Submom. Thanks for chiming in and the children at your center are lucky to have you 😉
Thank you so much for this post! I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one that feels this way. I have a couple of people that I have hidden their feed on Facebook because it makes me cringe every time I see their venting posts about their children. Aside from the fact that the internet never forgets and it won’t take much for a bully or friend later in life to find these posts. Why would you want to document it in public?
We are the first people that our kids get to begin to understand trust relationships with and the last thing they need from us is for us to destroy it for them. On the days when I am having a hard time parenting I am reminded that it is just as much about my parenting as it is about their being children.
May we always think before we post about our kids!
I have a question here. I am totally frustrated when I hear another parent say to there son (or worse, mine), “Boo hoo hoo, are you just a witto baby?” Or “Don’t be a girl!” However, my 3 yr old has been crying a lot lately about things that I’m pretty sure aren’t a big deal. Some days he cries (very forced sounding) about anything and everything. I’m pretty sure that it has to do with his baby brother crying a lot.
I’m so at a loss how to deal with it. Some days I remind him that he is 3, not 1. Or of tell him that he needs to try to be a little more tough. I try to give him the respect that he deserves, yet I am not sure how to deal with these situations. I want him to be tough and strong, yet gentle and respectful. I don’t want him to boo hoo about every little thing that disrupts his day, but I don’t want to shame him for crying. Any advice?
Something that has worked for me in the past with children age 3 is this: “I do not understand what is making you upset. When you’re ready to use a normal voice, we can talk about it.” Using the same phrase each time: “When you’re ready to use a normal voice…” and then “…we can talk about it” or “I can listen to you better.” gives the child a tool that he can use to express his frustrations and helps him to learn through the repetition of the phrase what is expected of him. It might take a little time, but with consistency, I have found it works pretty well for me. Good luck!
What a post! Wow! Thank you for writing this! This is a good reminder to me about how sensitive indeed my kiddos are to my responses (I also have 3-yr-old twins, boy/girl). I appreciate your honesty and your wisdom in writing this post! It was a gut-check for me to be more watchful of what I am doing. I already have “Grace, not shame…” posted around my home to remind me that just like God gives me grace when I mess up, I should allow the very same grace to my kiddos (and hubby). Thank you again!
I LOVE that- grace, not shame! That is perfection! I’m totally stealing that RIGHT NOW. Thank you so much for your comment!
hmmm. I’ve been seeing this argument floating around a bit lately.. so I would like to go against the grain here and say I don’t agree. Not one bit.
Back when we were children, we didn’t have social media, we simply had photographs and glossy family albums. However, pictures of children crying, tantrumming, taking baths and doing all of the unique, quirky things children do are not a “new” thing, nor is showing them around to friends and family for a loving giggle and nostalgic memory. This is something that has been going on, expressing a fondness of our children since the dawn of photography.
How many of you have seen a photo of yourself as a toddler crying over something trivial or throwing a whopper of tantrum? Perhaps (probably) taken by a parent or loved one and seen in light or jest of the situation? How many were offended when they saw this picture or felt “disrespected” by it? I can guess not many. You WERE a toddler, you WERE irrational, you WERE developing. That’s a fact and the reason these photographs are not only funny and cute, but also such a wonderful image to have once you’ve grown and changed.
The fact is, the toddler years are irrational and full of emotional moments. Yes, children are developing and parents are there to guide them and deal with these moments. Taking their photograph while tantrumming is not mocking them, describing why they were upset is not bullying them. It is sharing a fondness and humour of their fleeting first years with the people who know and love them.
No one is sitting there laughing and saying “What a stupid kid!” (if they were I could hardly understand why they would be on the parents friends list!) They are giggling and saying “Aw, poor munchkin, life is tough buddy! we love you!” and “That is so cute!”
So you ask since when did it become trendy to mock our children? I would say it hasn’t.
But since when has it been normal to take these images? Since the ability to take photographs was attained.
I would like to ask, since when have we become such an over-sensitive, judgemental and dictative community that parents cannot share funny moments, loving memories and a fondly remembered time of their young children with their friends and family in jest of the moment?
Since when will toddlers grow into the type of person who would find offensive a picture of real moment (that is not posing, smiling and photoshopped in an overpriced photography studio) and believe it was done in malice or ill-meaning by the people who raised loved and cared for them like no one else?
I love a good debate. So there’s my two sense.
Ki
Hmmmm. That all sounds great, Ki, but it’s hard for me to see how snapping photos of a child during a time when they are struggling is anything other than callous and disrespectful.
Case in point- on one of the websites I was referring to in this post (which I shall not be linking to because I don’t want to give them more pageviews), one of the first posts I saw last time I checked was a child who was probably not even two years old with his foot caught under the lid of an ottoman. The child had his hands on the lid and was pushing down and screaming, obviously, in the photo. At his level of cognitive development, he was probably scared and not able to figure out how to lift the lid off of his foot, pushing down on it in panic. You tell me, Ki, what responsible and respectful parent stops at that moment to take a picture of their child before helping him? And then goes on to post said photo on the internet with the caption (superimposed on the photo using the very Photoshop or similar editing program that you so abhor) “I was mad at my foot because it was in the way?”
I’m sorry if this makes me an over-sensitive and judgmental parent for saying THIS IS NOT OK. I’m just not sure how this moment would qualify as “a fondly remembered time” in the young child’s life for anyone involved.
Any regular reader of my site knows full well that I am not one to sidestep the realities of parenting, and that I am the first to admit that it’s an extremely difficult and often thankless job. I’ve written many posts on this topic and shared many, many accounts of less than perfect days with my kids. The insinuation that I present a photoshopped version of my life is rather laughable and a tad insulting, to be quite honest. I do appreciate a good debate and that you took the time to comment, but you’re barking up the wrong tree with that argument. All I’m asking is that we stop and think before treating our kids with anything less than empathy and maturity. After all, we’re the adults here.
Edited to add: I actually just checked your blog and the response you posted…the photo you posted of your own child does not fall into the category of those that I was objecting to in my article. The tone of your caption was not snarky at all! I’m sorry that my article made you so angry as to post such a biting rebuttal- sad, really, since it wasn’t even directed at photos like yours :/
What an aggressive response.
Perhaps the content within this reply (written in a more tasteful, less emotional manner) detailing exactly what you were referring to would have been a more intelligent approach rather than the generalised version you published? As a blogger, I think you have a responsibility to remember that your readers are not all “regular readers” of your site and explain yourself clearly, rather than expecting a cult following to “understand you” and become aggressive to anyone else who stumbles upon your writing and takes from it what is written rather than mind reading your real agenda.
I can see exactly how people have taken offence to your post. It comes across very judgemental and no where specifies what you’ve cleared up for me here.
I guess we’ll have to agree we disagree and go our separate ways.
Characterizing me as needlessly aggressive in my response to you is perhaps a bit unfair considering the level of disrespect you displayed in the post that you wrote linking to mine on your own blog. There were certainly many people who read my original post and agreed (or disagreed respectfully) without being a part of my mind-reading “cult following.” I thank you for your comments and am sorry you found my article to be tasteless and unintelligent.
Amen! Thank you for so eloquently capturing my sentiments, exactly, Ki!
Thank you Angie!
This is clearly a tender subject and people are never going to fully agree.
Ki - by saying “It is sharing a fondness and humour of their fleeting first years with the people who know and love them.” - you are incorrect - I’m gonna doubt - HIGHLY DOUBT that all of your “fans” that follow you on your FB page & Instagram, such as Stephanie are all, as you say, “people who know and love them”. As a public figure, a blogger, this is shameful - you are setting the tone for others. If you are bullying (which is what this is now with social media) - than admit it & own your behavior - cause that is what it is plain & simple in the days of social media. It’s SIMPLY NOT like when we were kids - we didn’t have the internet, Facebook, Instagram, ways for someone (a total stranger, let’s hope not “people who know and love them”) to EASILY right click your photo or capture a screen shot of your photo & for that photo to be out there in the world for everyone to see - future spouses, future employers, & EVERYONE WHO OWNS A COMPUTER. It is pure “living in a hole” syndrome or “stuck in the past” syndrome that you have if you are oblivious to the virality of something like this. I think you need to move ahead with the times & embrace modern technology in a safe & respectful way & to not shame your children in any way, shape, or form.
I don’t shame my children, I love them. If you’re argument is that people not known to me may see a picture I’ve shared of my child and think negatively, then what exactly do you do when the exact thing happens when your child gets upset in public? Put a towel over their head for privacy?
Please.
I love this post! I cringe every time I see a parent friend post a photo of a teary child and laugh about it. We would never dream of doing that to an adult who was having a rough day, and kids are just as upset by the bumps in their day as we are (possibly more, as they lack the perspective to say tomorrow is another day). I have shared this with a number of people - keep up the good work!
Thank you, April! I feel exactly the same way. I appreciate the encouragement- it’s a little hard to write posts like this knowing I’m going to be publicly skewered, LOL! My skin is nowhere near thick enough 😉
This is my 1st time reading your blog and this article/story/bloggerism was an interesting read. For one a big THANK YOU from one parent to another for saying how you truly feel about your parenting skills during certain days and what not. As a parent of a soon to be 13 & 14 year olds I believe all parents new or repeat offenders need to hear everybody has hard days as parents. There are days I want to gently tap my teens with my car just for a week of no fighting. Lol, yeah right those 2 will fight each in their sleep.
you get what I mean. I will say I will record my kids at this age when they act out to show them later how they sound but never for social media and I would have never done it when they were toddlers. That young stage is the most crucial in my opinion of the exploration phase of life, start young and it will continue through your life. Kill it young and what have you done to your child?
Thanks for this great read!
Thanks Samantha! I completely agree with you- I believe being a truthteller about all aspects of parenting is very important- we’re all in this together! Good luck with your teens…I refuse to even think about that stage yet considering how much mine fight right now, hah!
hmmm indeed. Thank you Stephanie for writing this piece - you have such love and respect for your children, and are so open and honest with your readers, it hurts no end to read the aggressive and terribly arrogant comment by Ki above.
Whether regular reader or first time visitor to someones personal blog no-one has the right to speak in such ugly terms as unintelligent. Very unnecessary. Very arrogant. In poor taste.
Sorry you think my comments are unnecessary, arrogant and in poor taste Michelle. You’re entitled to feel that way about them. I disagree completely.
The comments here make for an interesting read! To be honest I’m a bit baffled by what Ki wrote above. It sounds to me like she is defending actions that aren’t even what Stephanie was referring to in this article. It is one thing to take photos of your child and “show them around to friends and family for a loving giggle and nostalgic memory”. It is another thing entirely to pair these images with a thoughtless caption and post them on PUBLIC social media sites!! This is not, as she said, “sharing a fondness and humour of their fleeting first years with the PEOPLE WHO KNOW AND LOVE THEM” (emphasis added).
And call me sensitive, but I AM the kind of person who would feel upset knowing that my parents had submitted a photo of me in pain (emotionally or physically) to a PUBLIC forum along with a snarky or sarcastic caption!
I am far from a perfect parent. I have rolled my eyes when my son has thrown fits over random “injustices”. I have described the meltdowns to friends and family who have been there. But the fact is that a child’s pain or unhappiness is very real to them, even if it’s because of something as simple as having to wear the wrong colour pants. It isn’t something that should be fodder for strangers’ amusement!
Stephanie, I agree wholeheartedly with the statements in your post. Kudos to you for standing up for what you believe in!
I completely agree with you Stephanie. I was a very very tantrummy toddler, and was lucky enough that my parents dealt with it with an enormous amount of patience, kindness and respect. As you might imagine, a few such tantrums did make their way into the family film collection (often in the background of other things going on!) and whilst I can appreciate that its important to be able to approach such records with a hint of humour, I would be mortified now to have thought that such home movies were used on social media at the time and reduced to a funny anecdote.
No one wants to be made to feel fun of, or for their upset to be trivialised (even if it is over a bit of a trivial matter!) I think even if a clip of me as a toddler was to make its way onto Facebook now I would still find it hard to find the funny side!
It’s so important to have these conversations and debates considering the huge impact that social media is having on the way people communicate - so thank you so much for this brave post :).
I saw those photos and I was thinking why would you do that? I mean it is a huge deal to our kids when they don’t get what they want! We need to be understanding and helpful, not laugh at them publicly. Ok, so we can laugh privately. (Wow, my kid is really crying because I won’t let him eat a piece of paper he found on the floor or play with the flash drive he found on the computer desk?) but we don’t need to post it for the whole internet to see!