Language Basics: Getting in the Communication Zone

Hi friends! It’s high time I continued with the language basics series. We’ve already talked about how language is more than just vocabulary and how you can tell if your toddler is about to start talking, and I’ve read all of your amazing feedback. I HEAR YOU. And I GET IT. You’ve enjoyed the information but you are ready to know what you can do to help your toddler develop speech and language skills at home. Maybe you are worried that your child’s language skills are a little behind. Maybe your child is already receiving speech therapy. Or maybe your child is on track but you’d still like ideas on how to keep those communication skills developing. Wherever you fall on the spectrum, the next posts in the series are just for you! Now, being that I am a speech pathologist and early language is my area of specialization, I have lots of strategies to share with you that you can start using right away. But before I get to those, I want to talk about perhaps the most important lesson of all- how to get in the communication zone with your child.

Getting into the Communication Zone with Your Child

You see, I’ve seen my share of blog posts, articles, and even books that say things like “Teach Your Toddler to Speak.” That phrase just doesn’t sit well with me- in fact, it makes me cringe. It sounds a lot like “Teach Your Dog to Fetch,” which is a completely conditioned behavior. This is NOT the way you should approach communication building with a young child.

Communication by definition is a give-and-take, reciprocal interaction. To be able to apply the strategies I will talk about, YOU as the parent or caregiver have to be able to enter the interaction in the right state of mind- in the right “zone” if you will. You will need to set aside the teacher/student mentality or trainer/trainee mentality and go into it with a collaborative mindset. Sure, there is some teaching and shaping of responses that happens when working on communication, but there has to be an undercurrent of trust, respect, and security. When you have this, you and your child will be “in the zone,” and great things will start to happen!

If you aren’t in the zone with your child, you may be able to teach him to speak, sure, but you probably won’t be helping him communicate. Big difference. Helping your child communicate actually involves a lot of watching, listening, and waiting on the part of the adult. I know it may sound counter-intuitive, but trust me on this one. Once you are in the zone with your child, you’ll be able to choose reasonable targets for communication behavior that will set you both up for success rather than frustration. And you’ll be tuned in to your child’s communication attempts and be able to support and expand on them naturally.

So how do you get into the zone with your child?

Prepare then environment by removing distractions. Not just for your child, but for you. No televisions, phones, laptops, etc.

You need to be able to connect with your child to communicate.

Choose an activity that is interesting to your child, or better yet, let your child choose and follow his/her lead. Don’t get “married” to a particular activity and don’t get discouraged if the child doesn’t respond to an activity you have planned. More on choosing activities to come…for now, just remember: the simpler, the better.

Get down on your child’s level, face to face. Kim at The Little Stories has a great post about the importance of “face time” with your child, and exactly how to do it.

Now that you are all primed and ready, I want you to remember this:

Less is more.

Less talking on your part. Less directing and demanding, less questions, less prompting, less pressure on your child to perform. More listening, more responding, more encouraging, more waiting, more reflecting. Think reactive rather than proactive.

Now, instead of trying to direct the activity, I want you to take a deep breath, calm down, and watch. Even if your child isn’t talking much yet, he/she is constantly sending out clues or messages that will tell you what she likes, what she wants, and what she wants to say. When you are able to pick up on those signals and respond accordingly, you’ll be on your way to fostering meaningful communication. Watch your child’s body language, facial expressions, gestures, and gaze, which are all important non-verbal communication cues. Playing With Words 365 has an awesome post on tuning in to your child’s non-speech communication cues that I highly recommend for more reading on this topic.

Be sure to check back soon- the next posts in this series will cover how to respond to your child’s communication attempts, what to do when you don’t understand, and setting realistic expectations.

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